Keep Your Head Low

Keep your head low
And you will miss the blow
Tighten up to take
It in the body

I never want to know
Exactly what you did
But if you want to show
Me, I'll play the part again

Lights out, it's time tonight
Same thing every night
Tighten up to take
It in the body

I want to break and take
Everything beautiful
Don't bother standing in
My way, my way
Mine

And if you have the chance
Look at me
Look at me
Worlds go crashing in each day
But this gravity
It's too close
Too close
I'm warning you to take
Safety, careful now
Cause I'll pull and push you under
My skin

Days pass and I'm the same
Way that you left me
I tighten up to take
It in the body

But my head was high
And my eyes were closed
I've drained so much pride
You have to know
You've got to know

And if you have the chance
Look at me
Look at me
Worlds go crashing in each day
But this gravity
It's too close
Too close
I'm warning you to take
Safety, careful now
Cause I'll pull and push you under
My skin

I wait

I wait

I wait

I...wait

And if you have the chance
Look at me
Look at me
Worlds go crashing in each day
But this gravity
It's too close
Too close
I'm warning you to take
Safety, careful now
Cause I'll pull and push you under
My skin

Nano Wrecks

I've got some foes but not any
Woes that overwhelm and
Soon we'll see the light undim

Trashing rooms, we trash each
Other up, we trash each
Other down, we always frown

He there tried freedom, but when
She needed him he settled
For fine print and bronzing skin

There is no problem here
There is no problem here
Why must you start the fighting, dear?

Take these plastic rings and throw them
Out the window, into gardens
To stop the flow
To stop the weakened foes.
Silhouettes of spinnerettes
That will correct our
Micro, no, nano wrecks
Gigantic wrecks.
One-dimensional thoughts
We process what we're not
Intending to ever use.
Twisted strings
We trace the elements
The seventh second that
We choose to leave.
Take these plastic rings and throw them
Out the window, into gardens
To stop the flow
To stop the weakened foes.

There is no problem here
There is no problem here
Why must you start the fighting, dear?
There is no problem here

How to Live With Trickery

When the sun forgot to shine
And laughter called in sick
Sarcasm kissed my hand
And told me there's no trick
The fire burned so bright
As I ran to the unlocked door
Open for all to see inside
You held me as I fell to the floor

My pen is out of ink
My body is out of blood
As it drained from your eyes
The room began to flood
It's a trick, it's a trick!
I knew it all along!
Wishful thinking never saved me
You were already gone!

But somewhere deep inside me
Gleams a hopeful light
Something I'll soon tap into
And on broken wings take flight
My calloused heart will defend against
Such hatred, sharp as a knife
And the shadows once looked over
Will be brought to life


--------------------------------------------


This is how each day goes:

Waking up - "Oh god oh god oh god. Seriously? Is this seriously what I'm going to think about every morning?"

First hour I am awake - "This is just awful. Is my whole day going to be like this? I hope I figure something out. Maybe I'll try optimism."

Next few hours - "This optimism isn't working out so well. Maybe I will be rescued. Maybe I will try lots and lots of distractions. I can pretend like nothing is bothering me. Hmm, I know, I'll focus on everything that isn't right now."

Most likely I will get rescued - "Well this is mostly fun. It is hard to stay distracted. But now I'd like to have something a little more lasting. I know, maybe I'll be not sober!"

But I have to go home - "Son of a bitch. Now I am here and I am lonely and I am stuck with my unhappiness and regrets and failed attempts. Awesome."

I probably get a little distracted though - "Well, Conan O'Brien is rather funny. Also, talking to people about things is nice. Uh oh..."

But it didn't last - "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. You have got to be kidding me. Every night? Seriously? Why do I even bother trying anymore."

So I go to sleep, or at least, I try (probably) - cue either bad dreams or dreams that give me fleeting optimism.


So every fucking day is the same. Every single one. I am not sure how many more days like this I can handle. It is not so simple. I don't know why I am still trying. I try to be loyal. I try to be honest. I try to do the right things. I try to be strong. So why do my days end up like this? There must be something I am doing wrong. I am trying to figure it out. I'm a good person, right? I certainly do not think I am a BAD person, necessarily. I mean, yea...I'm human. I do what I can.


At any rate, that poem was written in like, sixth or seventh grade. So whatever. I wanted to write something original but I just lost all ambition. It is frustrating to know that there is this power to make everything perfect, and that that power has no idea.

Crash

You don't belong in my arms
Found myself on the wrong side of life
Deserving more than being ashamed
Deserving more than being afraid

I'm still writing songs about you
Raking my mind for memories
Struggle to release hope
For there's nothing I can keep hiding from you
I still ruin every moment
If you were right there I would hold you
Close to my heart
They say I have a big heart
Just more places for you to hide in

Hands in the sky, I let go
I gave up a while back
Just thought you should know
Just 'cause it burns it don't always mean fire
I still run from every moment
If you were right there I'd push you away
Far from my heart
They say I've got a big heart
Just more places for you to hide in

Because it's just nothing
Ignore the crashing sounds of glass
Ignore the crash
'Cause you can still see right through me
Each day you awake
You're afraid you might live
Turn off your mind
Feel with your heart instead
Crash, crash, crash
Because it's just nothing
You could give, give, give
But I'll give up nothing
Crash, crash, crash
I will take, take, take
Everything
Until you are gone
I'll keep moving on
Because it's just nothing
Because it's just nothing...


-------------------------------------


I wrote this in uh, the eighth grade?
Anyways, I think I might allow myself to edit this one because it has so much feeling in it that was completely wrecked by my inability to say just what I wanted to say in the right way. I remember the exact way I felt when I wrote it, so this wouldn't be such a stretch. I think if I edit it I will say so in the following post. I was just shocked to see this was not posted at all. I missed it. Yea, editing in the future.

Not Looking Away

Propelled by fumes
My exhalation
Sickle cell hopes for concentration
Like a hero in a horror story
Like a leprous cold
So common
To think that what happens
Ain't meant to be.

So don't you see?
With pillars for teeth
Wasting energy on wasting away
Ensures formality.

Oh, the wrist-wrapping
Finger-tapping
Way we watch the passing
Force control
The amalgamation of a shaky foundation
And love, love, love
Lost and taken
How will we make it to the station
Of safety.

So take all necessary measures
No one ever has to know
Take all necessary measures
No one ever has to know
She's given up
We've given up
And no one ever has to know
Slid substance from the table
They don't ever want to know

You want the lights flashing
You want the windows crashing in
You want my heart to fill with sand
To tell you that I understand

Don't you yet see?
What you want ain't meant to be
Through three times
Creation
Our will is proof.