Boysetsfire "Across Five Years"

"I said I'm crazy one more time
Picked up the phone and wondered why
So many years of hidden dreams
Pushed down too far to ever win
Locked doors and hidden ghosts
Denied myself with every joke
This is not me
This could never be me
Remembering so many times
So many lies, so many lies
Ran so fast the years passed blind
So much time lost killing five
Whatever poison you may drink
Another list of 'no's' persist
Antique and out of reach
I lose my life and take it back
Crashed this side of happiness
Hit the floor or hit and miss
Without the strength to follow through
Walked right past this life in you
Just one more kiss
Just one more chance
Just one more life or circumstance
Just one more call
Taking a chance on circumstance"


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I love chances, I really, really do.

I also love this song which has randomly popped into my head at times for probably about the past five years. I think it's a fantastic song.

My body, my face in particular, has taken to uncontrollable twitching.

Sometimes I think strength is just allowing yourself to be battered over time out of something akin to a tired lack of resistance. Am I strong or do I just float along?

I am terribly shy, which I don't think is that great. I guess I'm not against my shyness, but I just wish it were effective in some way.

I find the stars and fireworks to be incredibly romantic. I basically just want to lay out under the sky at night all summer long. Maybe someone will join me. I tend to feel awfully alone under the night sky after a little while. And I do start to feel so dizzy, as if I can feel the earth spinning. One day it might just shake me off. Until then I'll continue to grip the grass tightly.

I want release. Comfort. The absence of deadlines and obligations. I want smiles. Fresh starts. Chances.