I really thought I was prepared for this. I was relatively certain that I could handle this. I had forgotten how scared I would get every time I heard a noise that I couldn't readily distinguish. How every distorted sound was either crying or screaming. I didn't realize that every move and word had to be calculated and sheltered. I'm just not prepared for it. I don't think I'm strong enough. I'm so afraid that I'm not strong enough to take this. To be the mature person. To be the rock. It just feels like too much to ask from me. My conviction is wavering, my confidence is abandoning me. She's right, but she's wrong. How dare I sit there and try to convince her that everything is ok? I wasn't ready for this flood. I want stability. I want security. I want her to feel satisfied. I don't want to be alone, but I want to be strong enough to handle this on my own.